A Public Educaution

The Issue:
Since having children, my perspective has drastically changed on many different issues. One of the those looming issues is the education system. My twins are now four and the school question has hit me like a broken record. It has arisen in various configurations, but free of phrasing, at its root, its the same question: When are you going to put your kids in school? The haughty inquisitions have pushed their way in from family, friends and customers with looks of genuine concern that my twins are not yet in Pre-K. For all those in question, the honest answer is that I 100% do not believe in concept of Pre-K for my kids. [I want to make it a point here that I am not advocating the elimination of Pre-K altogether... There are many children who greatly benefit from these programs on many levels and in many different circumstances.] I am now fortunate enough to stay home with my children, working outside of the home only about 15 hours a week. Through attentive surveillance of my children's educational needs, I have found that everything they need to learn can not only be accomplished at home, but proves to be enhanced in an "at home" environment. Upon hearing this, the naysayers cry, "But Socialization! You can't get that at home - how will they ever make friends and learn how to become socially stable?"

There are copious reasons and supportive arguments on why I believe homeschooling is far and away superior to public or private education. The first and most prominent argument is the failing structure of school systems (public or private). Don't let the generality of this statement derail your certainty in my logic here - I will respectively break it down...

(1) Individual Attention & Teacher Tenure -
I don't think there would be much dispute that a situation which contains one teacher to roughly 20-25 students does not foster individual student attention. I do acknowledge that individual attention is not always needed and individual thought and processing is a highly beneficial and needed intelligence. But what happens when your child isn't the star student, doesn't understand directions well or learns in a different manner than material is taught? Children are fragile pupils, if they do not understand a topic or are made to feel inferior or incompetent by classmates or teachers, they may be permanently turned off to a particular area of focus. I think we can all look back on our own classroom experiences and agree that there were instances that we felt dumb or frustrated because we didn't understand something. For some of us the recollections may be faint; but for others, it has manifested into a current reality which was deeply rooted in these painstaking memories.

While no teacher is able to stretch themselves broad enough to lend assistance to every student when they require it, there are indisputably teachers who are more conscious, flexible and sensitive to individual student needs. The quality of our local educators has greatly deteriorated in a large part because of teacher tenure policies. Taken from teacherunionexposed.com, "Originally, tenure was a due process guarantee, something intended to work as a check against administrators capriciously firing teachers and replacing them with friends or family members. It was also designed to protect teachers who took political stands the community might disagree with. Tenure as we understand it today was first seen at the university level, where professors would work for years and publish many pieces of inspired academic work before being awarded what amounted to a job for life...In most states, teachers are awarded tenure after only a few years, at which time they become almost impossible to fire. The main function of these laws is to help bad teachers keep their jobs."

The fact is, that there are many educators who are failing our children everyday; and not just failing our children, but failing the future of society as a whole. Why are there no consistent standards, evaluations... overall scrutinies that these educators are held to? According to teacherunionexposed.com,  "A study conducted by Public Agenda in 2003 polled 1,345 schoolteachers on a variety of education issues, including the role that tenure played in their schools. When asked 'does tenure mean that a teacher has worked hard and proved themselves to be very good at what they do?' 58 percent of the teachers polled answered that no, tenure 'does not necessarily' mean that. In a related question, 78 percent said a few (or more) teachers in their schools 'fail to do a good job and are simply going through the motions.'"

While many educators justly have the best intentions for their students, I argue that no one has more genuine interest in the academic, social and emotional success and stability of your child than you.

(2) Standardized Testing & Grading-
Through my own research, I was unexpectedly surprised to discover that public school curricula and student performance standards do not stem from the federal government but from state and local municipalities. While there are no overriding national standards that each state must follow, there is no lack of suggestion through federal dollars and programs - while total federal spending only accounts for roughly 8-10 percent of K-12 education expenditures, federal funding can manipulatively exert a great amount of influence.

While curricula can differ slightly among states, the enforcement of standardized testing as a measure of student achievement does not. At its best, standardized testing provides a warped sense of accountability, an enraging disproportionate measure of a students knowledge and/or success. "Standardized tests measure only a small portion of what makes education meaningful. According to late education researcher Gerald W. Bracey, PhD, qualities that standardized tests cannot measure include "creativity, critical thinking, resilience, motivation, persistence, curiosity, endurance, reliability, enthusiasm, empathy, self-awareness, self-discipline, leadership, civic-mindedness, courage, compassion, resourcefulness, sense of beauty, sense of wonder, honesty, integrity." [Valerie Strauss, "The Myths of Standardized Testing,” Washington Post, Apr. 15, 2011]

Standardized tests impose not only accountability on the students but perhaps even more so on the educators who must administer particular pieces of knowledge in a method by which the majority of the students will understand, retain and be able to recall when asked on a test. "Teaching to the test" is replacing good teaching practices with "drill n' kill" rote learning. A five-year University of Maryland study completed in 2007 found "the pressure teachers were feeling to 'teach to the test'" since NCLB was leading to "declines in teaching higher-order thinking, in the amount of time spent on complex assignments, and in the actual amount of high cognitive content in the curriculum." [Bruce Jacobs, "No Child Left Behind's Emphasis on 'Teaching to the Test' Undermines Quality Teaching,” Endeavors, Dec. 2007]

Another way public schools measure the success and worth of our children is through a grading scale.  Seemingly conducive, evaluating children with grade marks can be destructive to a child's self-esteem as well as a child's inherent interest to learn. I find it disheartening that no matter how much effort a child expends throughout the learning process that they are ultimately assessed (in most cases solely) on retention. Receiving a "grade" for everything in school implies that learning is merely a format to rate one's value. It does not encourage learning for learning's sake, it does not promote genuine interest and excitement in subject matter and it does not push children to work or study harder. Quite honestly I feel that it is emotional manipulation - one can justly feel smart if able to achieve an A, feel pretty good about themselves with a B, be disappointed in themselves with a C, feel completely discouraged with a D and feel like an utter failure with an F. Luckily, as a school-aged child I fell into the "Smart A" category, but I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to be a C, D or F.


(3) Physical & Mental Safety -
Through countless national news stories of vicious bullying, weapon infiltrations and fatal shootings, I think all parents are would be foolish not to question the physical and mental safety of their children in school. It is downright depressing to see how monstrous children can be. One of the reasons I do not want to enroll my twins in pre-k or daycare or whatever you choose to call it, is so they don't pick up on the bad behaviors of other kids. I don't want them coming home with disrespectful attitudes, raunchy language or abusive out-lashes. While this is a fear of mine, I reassuringly know that my children have behavior bases built in love, respect and forgiveness which have been instilled at home.


With these flaws identified, there are also specific benefits that I find to homeschooling...

(1) Family Bonding - I feel like family bonding in today's society has become nothing more than an afterthought. It comes second to our careers, school, activities, sports, favorite tv shows... you name it. I think the most family bonding time families get is at the dinner table, if they are fortunate enough to experience it there! Society has moved away from family focus to individual focus. Somewhere the paradigm has sadly shifted to "me". What will benefit me most, what do I need, how can I get ahead? In this new "me" culture, we don't even know how to experience real emotion. Instead of unloading our innermost thoughts, fears, desires and flaws to those who we care about and care about us most, we post daily or even hourly status' to spew to the world that which we cannot even share with our own parents or brothers or sisters. And for what? So someone will feel sorry for us? So someone will give us a like - pay us some attention? Where are the families? My family is right here. Every single day I wake up with my kids, eat breakfast, play, nap, watch tv, argue, yell, hug, kiss, cuddle.... the list goes on and on. Not everyday is easy - you noted the argue and yell in there right?! But it's all a part of life, it's all a part of the innermost functioning's of a healthy family. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for having my family - I wish I could say the same for the majority.

(2) Limitless Education - Homeschooling provides a limitless education. There are no overhead restrictions on how much time can be spent on a particular topic, no mandates on what to teach and when to teach it... It's really a beautiful thing because you are able to facilitate learning for your children when they are ready and interested in learning it! Right now my boys very interested in outer space and the solar system. So I am able guide them to books to suffice their thirst for knowledge on that particular subject. I am not sure exactly how long they will be fascinated by the topic, but I know that they are genuinely hungry for the knowledge! A limitless education also means that my children are not confined to classroom curriculum (math, science, english) - we can go on field trips any day of the week, we can learn about the parts of a car while getting the oil changed and tires rotated... they can learn how to fold laundry and personal hygiene. I can teach them religious/spiritual beliefs, I can teach them how to cook, ride a bike, tie their shoes... I can teach them what it means to be accountable and responsible for their own choices. The possibilities of what a child can learn are essentially endless and what's even more miraculous is that our children are learning even when we are not actively teaching.

(3) Strong Sense of Community - Homeschooling builds a strong sense of community in children. Homeschooling families seek out other families who share the same beliefs. Homeschooling parents are more likely to seek out extracurricular activities to meet the social needs of their children as well as their own social needs. They go on more field trips, are a part of more groups, clubs and community organizations because frankly they have the time. Homeschooling families build their lives around activities that adhere to their core beliefs - fundraisers, charity events, etc. According to Home Schooling and the Question of Socialization by Richard G. Medlin, "Home-schooled children are taking part in the daily routines of their communities. They are certainly not isolated; in fact, they associate with--and feel close to--all sorts of people." He continues, "Home schooling parents can take much of the credit for this. For, with their children's long-term social development in mind, they actively encourage their children to take advantage of social opportunities outside the family. Home-schooled children are acquiring the rules of behavior and systems of beliefs and attitudes they need. They have good self-esteem and are likely to display fewer behavior problems than do other children. They may be more socially mature and have better leadership skills than other children as well. And they appear to be functioning effectively as members of adult society."


The Reality:
I readily admit that I have done quite a bit of finger pointing in the previous section - and as famous Louis Nizer quotes states, "When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself", so here is my dose of reality!

The homeschool decision really is quite simple for me, hands down I would homeschool my children. The reality however is never so easy. The reality is that being with your kids 24-7 is an extremely challenging task. It is nearly impossible to always do, and say and be the ideal mother. There are many days when my patience is lacking, when I am tired and unambitious and when I frankly just want to lock myself in a room and just have silence, utter silence. Homeschooling is probably literally the most challenging task any parent could attempt. You must stay patient (with your children and yourself) focused, creative, inspired, interesting... you must adhere to a schedule and pre-plan events and outings - attend play dates and homeschool meetings - and on top of all this, you must still be a parent and carry the load of all the corresponding responsibilities.

The reality is that homeschooling still is not a widely accepted practice and there are people in my life who will not understand, appreciate or approve of such a decision. The naysayers will pick apart every shred of fully justified reasoning you have until you start to question yourself and your core ideals. The reality is that every second of everyday self-doubt can eat away at you and you can become your own worst enemy instead of advocate. 

The Reflection:
So in reflection, the decision on whether to homeschool my kids has been an ongoing thought process. There are many days where I wonder if I will really have the energy to accomplish all that my children deserve - whether or not I will be able to teach them or facilitate all the knowledge that they will need to learn in their childhood years. I wonder if I have the perseverance and dedication to establish a healthy schedule and provide ample opportunities for socialization. Through introspection I have come to realize that it is simply human nature follow in tradition, to stick to what is easy and to not make waves where the water is calm. 

In reflection, I wonder how many of us even question today's education system? If something feels normal does that mean it is the best path for us? If something is easier, does that mean it is right? Are we too comfortable in our comfort? Many parents can argue that school is the best place for their children and it very well maybe... Maybe parents are content letting other people raise their kids; maybe parents have been captured by the "me" culture and cannot see past their own needs to provide for the needs that their children desperately crave. Maybe parents have not even recognized that there are alternatives at their fingertips; or maybe their own insecurities are paralyzing them from pursuing these alternatives.

In reflection, believe in your children and believe in yourself. Where there is a will, there is a way. Don't blindly follow a path just because your neighbor or best friend or parents did - evaluate your own core beliefs and decide whether you and your family are really living by them. If not, maybe it is time for a change. Our kids need us more than ever - and the solution, folks, begins at home.

I Thee Wed

For those of you who were unable to attend our wedding ceremony, Christian and I thought it would nice to post our vows, as we wrote our own to each other. 

CHRISTIAN'S VOWS:
Missy... Here we are. Nearly 6 years from the day we became official. If someone would have told me back then that 6 years from now I would be marrying the woman of my dreams, I probably would have laughed. My life back then was all about the next party and how I was going to get there. I was a lost young man that was incomplete. That is, until I met you. You entered my life and you were like no one I had ever been with before. You loved everything I did and even if you didn't, you adapted and at least acted like you did. You supported and had my back no mater what, and I knew that without a doubt you loved me. You were/are perfect and I knew from day one that this relationship was going to be special. 

Fast forward and here we are. Along the way we've added 3 extraordinary boys, by far the biggest challenge of my life. It has been so rewarding watching them grow up, but what I am most proud of is their incredible mother. You have literally become the best mother that anyone could ask for. I know that if mama were here right now, she would honestly be so proud of you as well. Obviously she was my greatest influence and my best friend. When I lost her 12 years ago, my life was turned upside down. I thought that I would never experience a love & companionship that I had with her. Standing here with you today though, I can finally say that YES, I have found that. And I know that somewhere up in heaven, she is looking down with that great big smile of hers. I know that she is proud of the man that I have become, and I am not that man without you. 

I owe my life to you, Missy. Without you, I am not standing here today as a father of 3 extremely beautiful children, a career-minded man & a homeowner. And I'm so happy to add super handsome husband to that list :). Our life together may not always be easy. In fact, it really hasn't been easy at all. But here we are, standing strong as a couple, and now as husband & wife. None of this is possible without you by my side. You inspire me everyday to be a better man, father & husband. 

As we move forward from here, it is my commitment to ALWAYS be by your side. We may never be super rich. We may never have the nicest home or vehicle. We may never be able to take that dream vacation we want. But... we will ALWAYS have each other. You will ALWAYS have my unconditional love. I will ALWAYS strive to do what I can to be the best father for our kids. I will ALWAYS support you in whatever it is you want to do. No matter where life takes us from here, your husband will ALWAYS be there. I will love you until the day that I die. You have made my life complete and I am so anxious to see where our journey leads us from here. I am honored to be standing here with you, committing my life to you. So as we take this next step, just know that I, Christian Daniel Novales, will ALWAYS be here. 




MISSY VOWS:
Dear Papa,

I have thought about this moment for almost six years and as many times as I have rehearsed it, I still am not fully prepared to feel this rush of emotion. Standing here now, it is a million times more amazing than I ever dreamed it would be. There may be family members and friends both inside and outside of this room that think we have waited too long to make this eternal devotion. Upon sharing the excitement of our marriage I have heard things like don't do it, I thought you were married already, it's about time, and I'm glad you are making the "right" decision. While I respect these individuals, it is clear that we have differing visions of love and righteousness. As different as each of our interpretations of marriage may be, neither time nor opinion has not weakened this moment. I am more so in love with you right now than I have ever been. I love you more than the first day we kissed, I love you more than the first time we held each of our babies in our arms, I love you more than the day we owned our very first home and I will continue to love you more as we walk hand-in-hand along the journey that is the rest of our lives. 

Today I am entirely yours, in mind, in body and in spirit. Every ounce of me is for you. Your triumphs are now my triumphs, your heartaches also my heartaches. When life has me frustrated and I am in utter defeat, I will now look to you for strength and solace. I trust you to make decisions for me and for our family, and I trust that when you are not sure what the right decision is, you will readily seek my counsel. Every day we must choose honesty, patience, humility & forgiveness. We must practice understanding, acceptance and optimism. In the end, in the darkest of hours, we must choose each other... and I whole-heartedly choose you. I now have a poem I would like to share, which I call "The Story of Us".

The Story of Us...

There once was a boy, shy and sweet, whose love for his mother made him melt at her feet. Classically trained, music flowed from each finger, though it pleased his mother, an emptiness lingered. Before he knew it he was nearly eighteen, in the midst of high school, his future unseen. And then in an instant, the utterance of three words, Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma spewed venom and gerd. To take away life, her very last breath, all meaning was lost as they laid her to rest. And then came the rage, the self-inflicted demise, of a ruptured heart hidden well in disguise.

Not too far away, grew a little girl, thoughtful and ambitious, in tune with the world. She did everything just right, just as expected, daddy's little girl, overprotected. Perfection was love, love was perfection, the standards were set no room for perception. Awkward and unsure she sought outward attention, experimentation was at large and so fought prevention. And then off to college, where freedom was thicker, where the beer tasted good, but liquor was quicker. Desperate to please, with lost inhibition, repeatedly she was devoured by poor intuition.

So the stage was set, as fate may have brought, two lost souls together, as neither had thought. It was quite a whirlwind of glutinous proportion, a juvenile lust of deviant distortion. In love with love, as they slept side-by-side, both dreamed of the day she would become his bride. Tired of the parties, and late night pa rousing, they shared in self-reflection, an innermost musing. Two tiny beings would quickly bring light, miraculously the blind were granted new sight. Ecstatically terrified of the changes they faced, but trusted their love and strength of embrace. 

Before they knew it, their babies were two, life had rushed by as they say, it was true. Rattled by illness, stress and guilt, she wished she could change the life she had built. So it was decided, by no easy task, that she would come home to her babies at last. Shortly after came a third little blessing, the last of 3 boys, brought the family new testing. Fast forward in time, just six months later, the two stand before you, changed for the greater. 

Neither would be here without all of you, observing our journeys from one into two. We thank our families, who have taught us to love, endowed on us wisdom and guidance from above. Thank you all for sharing this moment, bearing witness to a love inked in arm and atonement. We ask for God's blessing, his love and his grace and ask for forgiveness from all our mistakes. As today we are united in marital bliss, I seal this poem with passionate kiss.